Same goes for a lot of other people. Don't see you shoving them around.
[It had been that that started all of that conflict in the first place.
Lightning leans forward, keeping her eyes on him through every small movement she makes, and she props her elbows on her knees, lacing her fingers together in front of her.]
I'm starting to think it's got less to do with him misunderstanding us.
[He's already wanting to duck out of this conversation. He clenches his teeth hard in his mouth and glances at her again with an almost annoyed expression.]
All his big talk about l'cie and him coming to tell Hope that he can't use that power. It rubs me the wrong way.
I get it. l'cie in his world are devastating powers. Eidolons are devastating. But if someone has the power to protect themselves and others, they should do it.
[And he's irritated because he doesn't have a power like that. Noel feels like an outsider, and that didn't become more clear until the moment Hope and Machina tried to comfort each other about these things.]
[The annoyed look he shoots her gives rise to an anger in her chest and Lightning straightens.]
Why does it rub you the wrong way?
[She's trying to understand his perspective. It's not to say that it didn't rub her the wrong way either, but she's guessing it's for a different reason. Lightning, like Hope and Snow, have Eidolons of their own, and to hear someone talk like that about them had made the upset, naturally.
Noel, on the other hand? He is a little bit different.]
[And Noel's one to talk. When two hardheaded people come together, it's a battle of who will give in and let go first. Typically, Lightning wouldn't mind being the first but something's off, and she can tell.]
Talk to me, Noel.
[If they're going to work as a unit here together and live as a family, she doesn't expect them to keep many secrets from each other. Especially the kind that makes people like Noel broody and moody. No thank you.]
[The thing is, he doesn't want to talk. He doesn't want to bring up his inner thoughts about the entire thing for fact that it would disrupt this family unit.
But he has a feeling that Lightning is not going to be as dismissive about it as he wants her to be.]
... Seeing Machina there, with similar issues to you, to Hope...
[Etro, this feels so stupid.]
Seeing him and Hope just automatically want to help each other. I know I'll never be that person, to any of you. I'll never understand what all of you go through because I'm not one of you.
[As soon as there's a pause in his explanation, at the end, Lightning curtly interrupts immediately before he can spout any further nonsense.]
That's what this is about? You didn't have to deal with the fal'Cie, with being branded. [The kid's got his own problems to deal with, and their problems were never his to burden. Lightning prefers it that way. He doesn't deserve the kind of fate they were given.] That's fine... that you didn't. That doesn't make you any less than the rest of us, if that's what you think.
But it does. [He's not sure Lightning will be able to understand what Noel feels. It's complicated and maybe a little trivial, but it's his feelings nonetheless.] I've always been an outsider and that entire thing made that pretty damn clear.
[Noel shouldn't have gotten involved with the argument in the first place. Should have left a while ago.]
What, Machina coming in and talking to us about things he's got no idea about? He's got even less of a clue than you.
[That entire conversation had been a grand waste of everyone's time.]
He's got no idea what you or any of us have been through. The things we all had to go through together.
[Her jaw tightens at having to remember it – all of it. Being from a time much later than the rest of them gives them all knowledge they wouldn't otherwise have, and what she and Noel had to endure against each other and side by side... no one really knows. The way she sees it, it makes him just as much family as it does Serah and Snow, or Hope. Sazh, Vanille and Fang, too. Even Lumina.]
[Noel ends up leaning forward so that his elbows rest on his knees and he buries his face into his hands and sighs another ragged tired sigh.
He has a hard time believing that because he still can't get the feeling to shake off him. Not after Machina came barging in with his own ideologies about l'cie and Machina and Hope becoming such best buddies.]
It's still different. [Noel breathes after a moment of silence,] It always will be.
[He's seen the power they all have and he'll just never have that. It's a fact that can't be refuted.] Can we stop talking about this now?
[Spoiler alert. Lightning shoots that glare right back at Noel, no holds barred.]
You know, I wouldn't have asked just anyone to help Serah. If you find yourself thinking those things, remember that. You're capable and you're one of us, l'Cie or not, so I don't know who's putting those ideas in your head.
[Well, she might as well be since she's pretty much a god...
The truth is he's the one putting the ideas into his own head. Too much thinking on his own and resentment building up without a way to expel it all in a healthy way.
Her words, however sharp they are, sort of ... Makes him blush a little. He looks away, frowning. Maybe a bit ashamed.]
If I had even a fraction of the talent and skill that you all have, maybe things would be different.
[Lightning rolls her eyes at that. Why is he being so stubborn!]
You don't think you're a skilled fighter? What about all the things you've built for this place? You're talented in more ways than you think and I'd give anything to be able to do what you can. All I'm good for is swinging a sword.
[She tries to be as genuine as possible, despite that her fingers are curling into infuriated fists. If it's the only way to get through to him, she's willing to do it. She's done it once before.
None of what Lightning says is a lie, though. She's spent months trying to figure out something that's right for her – she's tired of fighting – but nothing has fit the bill and she's starting to worry that nothing will.]
He glances at her again and shakes his head. Yeah, those sorts of things, his hobbies, make up a part of who he is but he's always had to struggle to find definition in his life. Even before everything with Caius and Yeul. Where to go, how to be on his own, not to follow in what Caius was...
He knows this is getting heated and honestly the last thing he wants to do is piss her off when he's just being honest.]
I know I can fight. That's not ... Lightning, you're more important to this family than I am. Don't talk about what you can or can't do. You're the one holding us all together.
[Lightning never once thought of it that way, nor does she want to. She was never the one to hold anyone together. She could lead, sure, but keeping them there? Keeping them together?]
That's on you just as much as it is the rest of us. If any of us didn't wanna be here, then we would've left. So why haven't you?
[She pauses, but not long enough for Noel to get a word in. Lightning knows the answer to that already, and it's the one she's gonna go for whether he likes it or not.]
We're a family, Noel. We have to get through this. All of us. Together.
[What he says about her being the thread that ties them all together is true, though. Without her things would be very different. For all of them.
He can't quite lift his gaze to her as she replies but he slowly nods his head. He picks not to reply to her question because she seems to already know the answer even if Noel needs some reminding of it.]
[She tilts her head, searching his expression for the things he isn't saying out loud, silent until she pushes herself upright. If she knows Noel as well as she thinks she does, there are a lot of things he isn't saying, but pushing him is going to do him no good. Not now, anyway.
Instead, she opts for crossing over to him and poking him right in the middle of his forehead.]
[Noel startles when Lighting pokes him, honestly! She's never done that to him before? So it surprises Noel and he snaps his gaze up to her with a confused expression.]
What- [He frowns as there's a flicker of green energy that wisps around him.]
[Her lips twitch and she smiles down at him, stifling a laugh at his reaction. She's not sure what that green stuff is or what it means, but Lightning hopes that it's a good thing, and that all of the things she's said has helped, even if it's a little bit.]
You'll get wrinkly if you frown too much.
[Lightning makes for the door, but pauses before stepping back inside.]
It's getting chilly. You should come in soon. Was thinking of making some cocoa. It'd be a damn shame if I drank it all for myself.
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[It had been that that started all of that conflict in the first place.
Lightning leans forward, keeping her eyes on him through every small movement she makes, and she props her elbows on her knees, lacing her fingers together in front of her.]
I'm starting to think it's got less to do with him misunderstanding us.
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All his big talk about l'cie and him coming to tell Hope that he can't use that power. It rubs me the wrong way.
I get it. l'cie in his world are devastating powers. Eidolons are devastating. But if someone has the power to protect themselves and others, they should do it.
[And he's irritated because he doesn't have a power like that. Noel feels like an outsider, and that didn't become more clear until the moment Hope and Machina tried to comfort each other about these things.]
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Why does it rub you the wrong way?
[She's trying to understand his perspective. It's not to say that it didn't rub her the wrong way either, but she's guessing it's for a different reason. Lightning, like Hope and Snow, have Eidolons of their own, and to hear someone talk like that about them had made the upset, naturally.
Noel, on the other hand? He is a little bit different.]
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It's nothing, Lightning. Just drop it. It's over. I'll stay out of the way.
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Lightning's reflexes are fast and when he tries to leave, her grip snaps around his arm.]
No, you won't. And I'm not going to drop it.
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... But it melts quickly.]
... I hate when you're hardheaded, do you know that.
[Which is like 80% of the time, but you know.]
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[And Noel's one to talk. When two hardheaded people come together, it's a battle of who will give in and let go first. Typically, Lightning wouldn't mind being the first but something's off, and she can tell.]
Talk to me, Noel.
[If they're going to work as a unit here together and live as a family, she doesn't expect them to keep many secrets from each other. Especially the kind that makes people like Noel broody and moody. No thank you.]
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But he has a feeling that Lightning is not going to be as dismissive about it as he wants her to be.]
... Seeing Machina there, with similar issues to you, to Hope...
[Etro, this feels so stupid.]
Seeing him and Hope just automatically want to help each other. I know I'll never be that person, to any of you. I'll never understand what all of you go through because I'm not one of you.
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Noel.
[As soon as there's a pause in his explanation, at the end, Lightning curtly interrupts immediately before he can spout any further nonsense.]
That's what this is about? You didn't have to deal with the fal'Cie, with being branded. [The kid's got his own problems to deal with, and their problems were never his to burden. Lightning prefers it that way. He doesn't deserve the kind of fate they were given.] That's fine... that you didn't. That doesn't make you any less than the rest of us, if that's what you think.
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But it does. [He's not sure Lightning will be able to understand what Noel feels. It's complicated and maybe a little trivial, but it's his feelings nonetheless.] I've always been an outsider and that entire thing made that pretty damn clear.
[Noel shouldn't have gotten involved with the argument in the first place. Should have left a while ago.]
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[That entire conversation had been a grand waste of everyone's time.]
He's got no idea what you or any of us have been through. The things we all had to go through together.
[Her jaw tightens at having to remember it – all of it. Being from a time much later than the rest of them gives them all knowledge they wouldn't otherwise have, and what she and Noel had to endure against each other and side by side... no one really knows. The way she sees it, it makes him just as much family as it does Serah and Snow, or Hope. Sazh, Vanille and Fang, too. Even Lumina.]
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He has a hard time believing that because he still can't get the feeling to shake off him. Not after Machina came barging in with his own ideologies about l'cie and Machina and Hope becoming such best buddies.]
It's still different. [Noel breathes after a moment of silence,] It always will be.
[He's seen the power they all have and he'll just never have that. It's a fact that can't be refuted.] Can we stop talking about this now?
8|
Why, so you can get back to moping around by yourself? You know why I came to talk to you, and it wasn't just about the things Machina said.
[Lightning's worried, but she doesn't know how to express that. Not with words...]
8U
Maybe perhaps a part of him grateful for it too. A small part.]
I'm not moping. [And a small glare in her direction...
He's moping.]
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[Spoiler alert. Lightning shoots that glare right back at Noel, no holds barred.]
You know, I wouldn't have asked just anyone to help Serah. If you find yourself thinking those things, remember that. You're capable and you're one of us, l'Cie or not, so I don't know who's putting those ideas in your head.
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The truth is he's the one putting the ideas into his own head. Too much thinking on his own and resentment building up without a way to expel it all in a healthy way.
Her words, however sharp they are, sort of ... Makes him blush a little. He looks away, frowning. Maybe a bit ashamed.]
If I had even a fraction of the talent and skill that you all have, maybe things would be different.
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You don't think you're a skilled fighter? What about all the things you've built for this place? You're talented in more ways than you think and I'd give anything to be able to do what you can. All I'm good for is swinging a sword.
[She tries to be as genuine as possible, despite that her fingers are curling into infuriated fists. If it's the only way to get through to him, she's willing to do it. She's done it once before.
None of what Lightning says is a lie, though. She's spent months trying to figure out something that's right for her – she's tired of fighting – but nothing has fit the bill and she's starting to worry that nothing will.]
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He glances at her again and shakes his head. Yeah, those sorts of things, his hobbies, make up a part of who he is but he's always had to struggle to find definition in his life. Even before everything with Caius and Yeul. Where to go, how to be on his own, not to follow in what Caius was...
He knows this is getting heated and honestly the last thing he wants to do is piss her off when he's just being honest.]
I know I can fight. That's not ... Lightning, you're more important to this family than I am. Don't talk about what you can or can't do. You're the one holding us all together.
[He trails off.]
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[Lightning never once thought of it that way, nor does she want to. She was never the one to hold anyone together. She could lead, sure, but keeping them there? Keeping them together?]
That's on you just as much as it is the rest of us. If any of us didn't wanna be here, then we would've left. So why haven't you?
[She pauses, but not long enough for Noel to get a word in. Lightning knows the answer to that already, and it's the one she's gonna go for whether he likes it or not.]
We're a family, Noel. We have to get through this. All of us. Together.
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He can't quite lift his gaze to her as she replies but he slowly nods his head. He picks not to reply to her question because she seems to already know the answer even if Noel needs some reminding of it.]
Yeah. Family... I know.
[His words are simple and quiet. But sincere.]
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Instead, she opts for crossing over to him and poking him right in the middle of his forehead.]
Stop sulking. I hate when you do that.
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What- [He frowns as there's a flicker of green energy that wisps around him.]
I'm not sulking. Everything's fine, alright?
[He'll get over this. She's helped, though.]
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[Her lips twitch and she smiles down at him, stifling a laugh at his reaction. She's not sure what that green stuff is or what it means, but Lightning hopes that it's a good thing, and that all of the things she's said has helped, even if it's a little bit.]
You'll get wrinkly if you frown too much.
[Lightning makes for the door, but pauses before stepping back inside.]
It's getting chilly. You should come in soon. Was thinking of making some cocoa. It'd be a damn shame if I drank it all for myself.
no subject
Yeah. I'll be in in a few minutes.